Thursday, 1 February 2018 @ 22:17 0 stares
now im on 4th semester in college. arch major btw lol, 2014 me you didnt expect it did you? yeah im an architecture major, in one of the best uni in the country. crazy right? i know. you probs dont know what happened to you during these past 4 years.
in 2015, on March 25 you saw them. yep, the people that you love so much one direction, but without zayn. on that day you felt the happiest, after begging your parents with your heart poured out and tears rolling down, finally you can see them by your own two eyes. but then, right after the concert ended, it was announced that zayn left 1d and your heart was crushed, just like how it crushed before when you see them got into rumors or being problematic. you wonder how came your supposed to be happiest day in your entire life turns out to be the worst day. after that day you never talk about them, your heart was telling you its time to go from that toxic fandom, those toxic people. and you wonder how come the chance to meet them became an opportunity to let them go. as the previous times you blamed yourself a lot. and hey, do you know those tendencies you have since you hit your puberty is being suicidal? when i knew about it i was shocked, youd probably will too. youre suicidal and depressed eveytime and your heart is breaking over and over again.
but then not long after that you got to know him. you ever seen him before, a lot of times actually, but you never realize it. you met hoya. then you got to know him and his group infinite and you fell in love liek you did two years ago with one direction. and at that time, so many emotions coming to you. you felt awful for moving on too soon,. you felt happy to like someone that can be assured to not hate you for who you are, you felt sad because you dont know them sooner.
and time goes on... and you realized with them, with him, you heal little by little, those í dont care if i die tommorrow' didnt come anymore. hes the best thing, the best thing youve ever had the chance to have, to see, to hear. you love him as easy as breathing. yes, at that time it was easy to breath.
then in 2016 you got into college. when the announcement that you got accepted sent to you you were shaking so much, you hugged your mother and cried in her arms. the relief washed over you as you sobbed, in disbelief in your luck. you werent sure you deserved that.
the first semester was fine, you made some friends and even established the korean unit at your uni. it was nice, you didnt hate yourself like you did before. but then second semester came. eveything you thought you got in your hands slipped. your academics gotten much worse, and you became feeling unfit for the major you chose. you got anxious and depressed, cut off your connections to others. it was your biggest downfall since you left one direction.
the third semester was the same. you hated your major you became searching for ways to get out of it,. you skipped class and the only thing holding you on was hoya and jiyong (ill tell about him some other time). you hated yourself so much, those suicidal thoughts came again to your mind and you were scared.
those were last year, now you are in 4th semester. the depression still continues but you try so hard to hold it in. you now can find a point that you like, even just a little bit, about your major that you no longer thinking to run away anymore. you are okay.
i dont know what will happen to us, but as long as we have hoya i think we can get through this.