Tuesday, 17 March 2020 @ 19:38 0 stares
let me tell you how i suddenly come back here.
around this time there's a pandemic going on so we're ALL encouraged to stay at home, and our university is closed for indefinite time. which is great! cause i fucking hate this major.
deja vu, huh? yeah, after these 2 years you still hate your major, your depression getting worse. you get more and more isolated, having executive dysfunction, and getting more intrusive thoughts. honestly you are barely holding on.
i feel like i should write because you know, this time is a memory and something i can't have back. looking back at the previous entries of this blog brings me so much nostalgia, how much i was happy, how much i was hurt. i wish to express my feelings now, so you can come back and see how you are at this exact time.
i wanna tell you about my life, but honestly there's not much going on. the korea unit you made still thrive fortunately, the people aren't much but still it's good enough. you actually became a department head for two periods! what an achievement. you didn't write it before, but you hate not just your major, but also the community? idk what's the name in english lmao. but anyways they don't try to make you belong so you don't try either. but last semester, by funny chance you became a division head for one of the biggest program they have. at first you didn't want to but they ran out of people to be asked (i told you, they suck). this time the highest positions were filled with your friends anyway, so you didn't mind helping them, although it was so tiring because the job you had wasn't easy. but you went through it fine, and now you're dealing with your thesis.
i don't wanna talk about it, because everything about arch just makes me wanna hurl so
but anyways, since i'm home alone for days not meeting friends whatsoever so many things came to my mind and one of them is this blog, so i thought i'd write something. the most surprising thing i found out is that even now, hoya is still my only hope in this bleak life lol. it's so unreal how much i love him. it's been five years! five! you've been in love with him for five years and no one else can even come near to how much he means to you. he's in military service right now, so you miss him a lot from time to time. but no worry, he still updates sometimes. he somehow always appears when you miss him most.
i hope when i remember this blog again i'm in a much better place than i am now. good luck to us.